A mummy! A daddy! The belief that all children are entitled to a family!
The belief that all who want to be parents will excel at the life-long process
involved! These beliefs, cherished by all cultures, are the foundation for
adoption. Yet, in reality, society doesn’t always wholeheartedly support an
adopted child or those who create a home for it.
Adoption occurs when
biological parents, who are usually also the legal parents, transfer over
complete and permanent rights and obligations to raising a child. These legal
parents usually freely choose adoption and willingly sign the necessary consent
forms.
However, when a child has been subjected to abuse or neglect, or
even abandoned, the courts may order that the child be ‘put out for adoption.’In
the court-ordered cases, the child usually remains in a foster home until he is
about six or seven years old before being placed for adoption.
The
differences between adoption and foster homes are reflected in the permanence of
adoption. Foster homes are always considered temporary, and foster parents have
no legal rights as to the long-term care of the child, even if the courts order
the child returned to an abusive environment.
A child may have many sets
of foster parents over the years; adoptive parents are technically there for the
lifetime of the child.
Many myths abound about the mental, emotional and
physical well-being of an adopted child, and that’s exactly what 99% are: only
myths. The ‘poor little adopted child’ in reality is usually a well-fed, loved,
delightful child who has been given opportunities that exceed what many
‘non-adopted’ children receive. The adopted child has been spared from living
under circumstances where he is not wanted, or where, although wanted, the
parents couldn’t take care of him.
The challenges come more from the
reactions of society than from the home circumstances. In our society today
outsiders still sometimes rudely ask a child born in a different country,“What
are you?” (referring to their race). When a white-skinned person adopts an
African American child many in society still look on with a frown at the grocery
store.
Another myth is that the adopted child will always feel
‘rejected,’ yet that word ‘always’ should be watched. Most psychologists and
social workers have come to understand that a person raised in its biological
home is just as apt to feel rejected as an adopted child. It all depends on the
circumstances and how much bonding and love and attention is experienced.
Growing up to be a responsible adult is a challenge for people raised
under any circumstances. Sometimes people choose not to be responsible and make
excuses about how they were raised. For those people, if they were adopted, that
is a convenient excuse, although usually it is not an accurate
representation.
Curiosity is part of human nature. For those who are
adopted, it is natural to wonder who their biological parents were and what
became of them. The love they feel for those who have raised them does not
diminish by this curiosity. And, it is natural for the biological parents to
wonder what became of their baby or child.
Yet, for all concerned, the
past is like a cancelled check you can’t keep spending it. Whether adopted or
not, here and now is where we are living! How fortunate we are that adoption
exists so dreams of being part of a family can be a delightful reality for all.
HOME 
